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[25 Jul 2008|04:49pm] |
I haven't updated in a while, I know I know. Bad Lana. I just haven't had the inspiration to do anything. I mean yeah I got to the gym, and I hang out and do my own thing, but to sit down and write an entry about my private life. Not really something I'm good at doing.
Anyways, as most of you know what happened on the yacht party. I'd greatly appreciate it if no one talks to me about it anymore. And explains what a huge mistake I made by going and hanging out with the one person who a lot of you claim had the wrong intentions. Which I'm not sure is a lie. I know, I shouldn't have, and I regret it really. I just remember I have feelings too. And yes, it really hurts. It really really hurts. I know I've gone and talked to a few of you, and maybe you just thought I was being over dramatic or something, but I dunno. I just know that it's not something I liked dealing with alone, and I felt really alone. I felt like I was tossed into a corner, and I couldn't make my way out of it.
Then a few others, don't know me, and assumed the worst on my end. I haven't talked to Josh, and I don't know how he's feeling. I do hope he realizes how truly sorry I am, that this got taken so crazily. I miss you, Josh. I miss you seriously. This isn't easy on either of us. I hope that one day you'll forgive me for what I did. I didn't mean to upset you, and writing this out makes it seem like I did something horrid. I really thought all he wanted to do was talk, I didn't think anything else, and he didn't do anything else it was just talking. I'm sorry, you're so upset with me. I hope we can at least have a civil conversation here soon, and figure out where we stand. I'm truly sorry.
After the whole thing I went away for a while. I just went away. Hidden from the radar, and only a few knew exactly where I had gone. I just knew I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I knew what I needed and I couldn't have him. It's one of those things, when the one thing you need when you're hurting, is the thing that hurt you. I'm sure a lot of you won't even bother reading this, but that's okay. It's helping me sort out the the thoughts in my head.
I'm glad that I have a passion for a sport, it's really helped me do a lot of things. Then working and coaching at the gym. The little kids, they're smiling faces. They're really a great thing to brighten a day. I love it most when they finally get the thing they're working on, and they just get so excited and they hug you. It's one of those hugs that are always needed. You know you're the reason they've come thus far, besides themselves. I'm so thankful that I was blessed with this talent.
So as I explained before, I haven't seen much of anyone. Serenity, if you're actually reading this. I think I need a heart to heart with my favorite cousin. I hope all is well with you, and my Banana. Well that's it for the entry.
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[14 Jul 2008|06:49pm] |
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![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jdryan |
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When I woke up this morning
Wiped the sleep from my eyes
Found a new day dawning
And suddenly I realize
You're gone
Tell me I was dreaming
That you didn't leave me here to cry
You didn't say you don't love me anymore
And it was just my imagination telling lies
Tell me that you didn't say goodbye
I'm in a state of confusion
I hope things aren't what they seem
If this is really happening
Just let me go back to dream
You're home
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[16 Jun 2008|12:07pm] |
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So I woke up, headed down to the gym and found a birthday cake and a crap load of balloons. I forgot what today was, and then it became obvious when the girls on my team started singing. I turned Nineteen today. It was crazy. <3
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[10 May 2008|09:30pm] |
Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too
Life has been life, all I do is work out, run, and go to the club to visit Holden. Which I'm not going to lie is a total blast. I've been to the parties that are around, but at the same time I feel like I'm still alone. I've got Holden, which is great. He's an awesome friend. We have a good time hanging out, and a good time just dancing. He's also great for a running partner. I've never been in better shape either. The six o'clock runs are kicking my butt, just so you know Holden!
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
I went to Natalie's Cinco De Mayo Party. It was a blast. I went with the best cousin in the world. Who I must say was looking Dashing. She always does, especially after popping out the most beautiful little girl in the world, Hannah. By the way, Serenity I need to borrow her soon. We need some bonding time. I love that little munchkin.
I hung out with Josh a bit at the party too, it was good to see him. I don't see him nearly as much as I would like to, but I guess thats what you get when you hang out with a Frat-boy. I also haven't seen Miss Abby, whom I might add I miss a little too. She was always really nice to me. So if ya'll are reading this, find me please? I miss you guys... -insert sad face here-
No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through
Well, I guess that's really all for this entry. I don't really have to much to update on. I'm staying here for the summer. Coach wants me to train a bit harder than I have been. Which I think he's nuts, but what can I say. I gotta do what he says I gotta do. I think I'm going to go home for a week or so. Depending, who knows. Mum and Dad miss me, or so they say. Besides, after my brother Brandon graduates next Saturday I guess it'd be the nice thing to do. Any one want to do something later? Or anyone know about anymore parties.. let me know. Lana Autumn
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[15 Mar 2008|09:00pm] |
School.
Gym.
School.
Gym.
Homework.
Gym.
Homework.
Sleep.
That's my schedule. Someone should probably interrupt that. I'd be forever greatful...
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[12 Feb 2008|11:06pm] |
What are all you beautiful people doing for Valentines day? Is there anything interesting going on? I haven't been around much, because well being a gymnast keeps me in the gym more hours than I am in my room.
Any takers into hanging out with the lonely North Carolina girl?
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